Husbands, love your wives.
The more I write about this, the more I wonder why men are not speaking up. When women do not have equality in the home or in the church, men are being portrayed in an unfavorable light. I myself worry that we are tarring all men with the same brush.
So, men, speak out! When you speak out for women, you are telling the world that you value women, that you value your wife, and your daughters. When you speak out for women, you are speaking out against those men who give all men a bad name.“My father expected everything to be perfect for such celebrations,” says Fawzia Koofi in The Favored Daughter – one woman’s fight to lead Afghanistan into the future. “The rice was to be fluffy, and each grain individually separated…If he found a few grains stuck together his face would darken, and he would politely excuse himself from his guests, walk into the kitchen, and, without saying a word, grab my mother by the hair, wrench the metal ladle from her hands, and beat her across the head with it. Her hands – already scarred and misshapen from previous beatings – would fly to her head to try and protect herself. Sometimes she’d be knocked unconscious, only to get up again and, ignoring the servant’s frightened stares, rub hot ash into her head to stop the bleeding, then ensure that in the next batch of rice, the grains fell apart perfectly.” (read my post “Women – the reason we can’t win the war in Afghanistan” posted August 10, 2010)
She goes on to say “She endured this because in her world the beatings meant love.”
Many years ago I sat in my best friends’ home and she said that “last night my husband got so mad because supper wasn’t ready when he got home, that he threw the pot of chili against the wall.”
She was a Christian woman and would not leave this abuser. When he had a stroke and was in a wheelchair, and could not speak, nor could this big man throw a bean across the floor, much less a pot of chili, I wonder if he remembered that chili splattered against the wall. I thought about it as I watched her give up 5 years of her life in taking care of him.
Let me tell you what the Apostle Paul said to men like this: Husbands, love your wives. You wouldn’t do these things to your own self, why would you treat your wife this way? Read Ephesians 5 and think about what that says. Open your minds. Abuse was a problem then, and it still is today.
Yet pastors want to hammer women down and brow beat them, and bully them into believing that these scriptures paint the beautiful picture of marriage. They don’t, Pastor. These scriptures are painting the ugly picture of an abusive husband, and this passage is expressly telling men that they have to change their ways.
Stop and think. Why would Paul have to tell a woman how to be submissive? She knew that. She lived it day in and day out in their culture. What he has to tell this new Christian man was how to live Christlike in a marriage. This new Christian man is being told that he can’t be throwing the chili to prove that he is the man of the house.
In my community, and in churches all around the Houston area, women are being told every Sunday that they are to submit to their husbands. I wonder how many husbands are being told not to throw the chili.
If you are tired of being told that you are not a favored daughter in the family of God, then stand up. Speak up! Tell your pastor that Ephesians 5 is not about husbands leading the wife, but is all about husbands learning to love their wife.