The Seven Brothers

(Welcome to my new subscribers!  Join me as we begin this new year working for equality for Christian women.)

“Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and have children for his brother. Now there were seven brothers. (Mark 12: 19-23 NIV)

“At the resurrection whose wife will she be” – which husband is going to stand up and be accountable for her? Good Question.  (Let’s ask former reader Daniel since he thinks he is going to stand up and account for his wife)

The first husband stands before God to account for her.

She was so pretty, a little flighty, not given to good sense.  In fact it was she who made me fall into the water.  You see, I told her I could step out of the boat and walk on water, and being a woman, she told me that I couldn’t.  I stepped out just to show her that I could.  She made me do it. I wouldn’t have done such a thing if she hadn’t told me I couldn’t.

The Second brother husband.

Well, you know I had to marry her because my fool brother went and got himself drowned because of her.  She couldn’t have any kids and she knew how much I wanted a boy to carry on our name.  She got real sassy and burned the biscuits, and I had to teach her a lesson or two.  Things were going along pretty good until I stepped out in front of that donkey I bought her to help her do her chores.

The Third brother husband.

I knew it wasn’t going to work almost as soon as I married her.  She and Josephine and Zaphora didn’t get along.  She never tried to fit in.  She was always causing some kind of ruckus in the household.  One day I came in and Josephine and Zaphora were chasing her out of the kitchen with a knife.  I came between them and the knife hit me instead of her.  Just one wrong move, and I got here first.

The fourth brother husband

The law said I had to do it, so I took her and Josephine in since neither of them had children.  Zaphora ran off with the butcher, so I didn’t have her to worry about.  But this wife!  She makes me pick up my own clothes, but I try to pacify her.  I give her a little spending money, not as much as I give Josephine, because I have a fondness for Josephine, and she is special to me.  Mr Nice Guy, that’s me.  In fact, I was being nice to her that day when she was walking because Josephine is pregnant and needed to ride.  I was trying to help her after she accidentally slipped and fell into the ditch, and grabbed onto me, but she pulled me down with her, and I hit my head on that rock.

The fifth one

The little witch!  Now they expected me to marry her.  Oh, she is still pretty.  But she has a mind of her own.  Won’t do a thing I tell her to do.  We already had seven children and I thought my wife could use a little help around the house, so, like the law said, I took her in.  I can’t help it if the wife and kids don’t like her.  She was in the shed for only a few days.  I was trying to teach her a lesson, but she was stubborn.  Just about tore the dang shed down and when I ran inside to get her, the roof fell in on my head.

The sixth one

Look, it came down to this.  I married her.  She wouldn’t do anything right.  Wanted me to do all the work.  Told me that I had to stay home at least two nights a week, or she would never get with child.  I couldn’t give up my friends.  But, boy that woman sure could cook.  Started making the best pies and fried eggs you ever ate. I had to set her straight every now and then, but making up was pure joy.  Date cakes and puddings and eggs like they were going out of style.  Guess I overdid it a little on the sweets, and here I am.

The seventh, and last, brother stands before God to account for his wife.

I can’t really tell you much about her.  We married one day and I left for Egypt the next.  You know, what with the other brothers and their untimely deaths, and all.  Last I heard she had taken up with some group that was following an itinerant preacher who was filling her head with some nonsense about her being equal.

About bwebaptistwomenforequality

Shirley Taylor writes with humor and common sense, challenging the church body to reclaim equality for Christian women.
This entry was posted in Do Baptists Really Believe That?, Jesus and women and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to The Seven Brothers

  1. Paula says:

    Now you know, it doesn’t matter how absurd something turns out to be in practice; the male supremacists will find a work-around, like the magical, mystical “covering”. I’m guessing it would be something on the order of “Well, each man is only responsible for the time he was married, so all seven brothers will share responsibility.”


  2. I’m sorry, but I did have to giggle at bit at this one.

    I loved the last line!


  3. Lynne says:

    The really scary part? Some people won’t see the satire. they’ll just nod their heads and say, ‘that’s what happens when a woman won’t submit’. I’ve met them


  4. Lydia says:

    Did anyone read that long article at CBMW a few years back where they speculated that there would be hierarchy in heaven between husband and wife? It was positively Mormon!

    If anyone remembers it, please let me know. I have been trying to find it.

    So, my dad died when I was 13 and my mom remarried when I was 20. Both were believers. So, who would be her authority in heaven, husband 1 or husband 2?


  5. Mabel says:

    Brilliant point in debunking the belief that husbands are responsible for the wife’s spiritual accountability on Judgment Day. When comp teachings are practiced to their logical conclusion, they always became absurdities.


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